24.12.13

Merry Xmas Eve to all you readers (not that i have much)

This year has been quiet good, Thankful for everything...

Decisions and Choices

I wish things we're simpler.

For the first time in my life, i have to make drastic decision. I've never been in this situation before.
I ain't sure about those feelings, I really don't know what to do. I like them both, but how much do i like them? Equally? One more than the other?

I don't know how to deal with all this. I don't know what to do.
On one side, there is this one that i am pretty sure likes me. But i ain't sure if its gonna work out. There's stuff that bothers me a lot about her past, and the way she acts. Will I be able to deal with that? Some friends already don't like her, does it really matter? Will i find happiness?


And the other one... I have no chances for sure, no hope to go any further. But she does count alot. Her being so reserved is what makes it so interesting. Maybe she has things to hide? I don't really know. But she does care a lot about me, always looking for my best. I just regret telling you really how i felt, my mistakes as always.


I do feel comfortable with both of them, both caring. But it isn't fair to decide between them. I don't think it would be fair to them and to myself. I ain't sure how i feel actually, i ain't sure of anything right now. Do i have to take a decision? Do i have to pick? What if i don't want to? What if its better to let it go? So many unanswered questions. So many thoughts about the matter.

I wish I could shut down those feelings, they keep bothering me day and night. I don't know what to do.... It may be so wrong, but loving both isn't allowed, not for me. But she does care alot about me, always looking back for my best.

Am i being a Jerk? Who knows.
Am i being unfair to them? Surely


It really sucks not to have an answer to all those questions.  Why am i so undecisive?

Who knew...

Who knew things would go that way?

Life is taking quiet an interesting turn. Lets hope for the best =)

Cheers.

What i am sure of....

I never had to guts to say things.

Thinking

I keep thinking what went wrong and what else could go wrong. Do i even like? Or is it just me looking for some good time. Am i that bad to think of it this way? Am i this desperate?

somewhere.

A place id rather be... Next to you

Remedy

My remedy to loneliness, going out.

How have i been living lately?

I'm guessing its the usual life I live. Going out as always, yes home is boring. I wouldn't miss any occasion to go out... I just get bored at home. Going out doesn't always involve spending great amount of money. I could just spend the day hanging out with Friends. Life is Mauritius is so boring for me personally, but yea i do run very low, VERY VERY VERY low on money sometimes xD I haven't made any savings for months, even though I was suppose to. I just keep spending, over and over again.

Does that mean I live an awesome life? Hmmmm, nopes.

I still do miss things sometimes. I do feel empty, I do feel lonely as usual. But that's life, won't stop living because of those =)

Been meeting new people, been catching up with others. Couldn't ask for more right now.

Do I miss some friends? Of Course. They used to be my everyday life, I do miss them alot.

"Holidays Holidays Holidays".... Can't wait for some to come back to MU. Damn, I miss those crazy nights with my Buddies. Get drunk, joke around and party hard. hell yea!
DECEMBER PLEASE BE AWESOME!

Maybe

Just not happening right now

One relaxing sunday

Spent the day with family and this lovely girl. (not my girl)

Time and Courage

It takes time to give up on someone, it takes courage to give up on the one you love.

Finally

Another thing done.

Finally told her the way i felt and its sad that it didnt turn out positively but i already knew how it would be afterall. Well, being drunk helped to open up.

November 2013

Hello November, hello party months, hello friends... Lets get it started =)

ideas

You just had the wrong thoughts about me. =)

This saturday

I feel annoyed because i have no one to talk to.

2/10/13 - thoughts

I actually stopped driving to type this.

Lately, i feel that everything is different. I feel that im too far away from my so called best friends. I havent had a decent conversation with them lately. They are all busy, they all have a life i know that. But i just cant get myself to accept that the fact i dont get to talk to them. Two of which are really busy in real life and the one i wanna talk the most to, we just dont connect anymore. There is just this lack of communication, each time i try to talk to her. Its like I end up in a dead end. We used to talk all day long, now its like barely nothing. I miss them for sure, but i miss the special one more. I wish we could be what we were before.

Just my thoughts right now @ 9.24am

One self

Did you ever feel so lonely? Even if you have friends. Somedays, thats how i feel. Sometimes, i feel like part of me is missing and therefore i feel lonely. Do i wanna date? Maybe im ready for another run. Is life better alone? Maybe, no responsibilities no engagement. I wouldnt lie if i were to say life is good being single but then sometimes, i just feel lonely, miserable..

Hopefully, ill get over that part of life.

The One and Only

Ive been thinking over and over again... Since my break up.. I haven't dated anyone.. All I did is keep falling for girls, im guessing its something bound to happen... Ive actually fell for like three girls since then... All of them, unavailable, all of them taken and all of them far away... They are all out of my league, but ive kept thinking and there is only one i cant get out of my head... We had our rough time and still, till now, mean the world to me.. I know 'us' is impossible, i know we will never be... Why is it so hard to get over you? Why do i still keep hope knowing that it is impossible... WHY? I still dont know why you mean so much to me. I thought i did move on, but it seems that part of me still likes you. You are still special to me although we arent what we used to be. I still have this butterfly effect in my stomach thinking about you, seeing you. Help me get over you.. Did time help? I wouldnt think so.

I am sorry for everything i did to you.
And i hope one day we'll meet again.

Let go

Is it finally time to let go?

I guess it would be easier if I remain quiet about it.

There isn't any point in expressing them, wouldn't change anything or maybe lose everything.

Wish things were different.


Ohh well, its Life.

As time goes by

The closer i get to you, the harder it gets for me not to fall for you.

Current

I never thought i would be annoyed that much.
I never thought it could hurt that much.

But i have no right, no right to say anything.

So I tried to forget, but failed.

Pain

Painful process but a life time reminder =)

Mine

Life is a mystery, mine is a misery.

To Mom

I thank you for everything you did for sister and myself,  there isn't anyway I could pay you back for what you did for us..  You hold a big part to who I've become,  there isn't any word strong enough to describe how thankful I am to you,  how proud I am to have you as Mom,  there isn't anything I would change.  You are my pride,  the strongest woman I've seen.  Do not worry,  I'll take care of you whenever you get too old,  I'll take care of you like you did for us,  just 10 times much more.  Thank you Mother.  You are thé best

Truth

Saying that I don't love you would be my biggest lie to the entire community

One day

The day you realise that someone loves you for who you really are and not for what you have to offer. Marry that person.

=)

Couldn't be more happier, somehow

Tats

Never took the time to post pics of my tattoos,  they remind me of what I haven't done in life,  yet.  Decided to start working on my life.  Starting now. 

Friend

You left because you're scared of what could have happened.

Daily

Whenever I see your chat,  I smile

Family

Everything that matters

To you, piece of shit

You were never here for us, never here for your daughter who loved you so much even though you were never here for her. You've betrayed us like no one else did, you picked them over you're own family, your brother, your mother and father and again us, your children. Is this forgivable? To me never. maybe to other. Its so sad to be where we are, but i'm glad to say that we are better off you.
I've accomplished something that you'll never be, being the man of the family.

I really don't mind you not being here for me, but for your daughter who loved you so much, needed you... You broke her heart, she always needed a man in her life, she thought you could be the Dad she always wanted, but sadly you don't even know the meaning of being a Dad. I personally think you suck.

You even had the courage to tell her that you were better with them than us, what kind of man says that to his kids? Don't you have a heart? Do you even care? And nowadays, you tell people that we've rejected you? Please, think before you talk. You had a choice in life, you picked the one you thought was right and you have the courage to say we rejected you? Come on, you're such a F***ing idiot.

You'll never be the man i used to look to, you'll always be a no one to me.. Its like you never existed.
For once, i can say im glad you're out of our life. You don't deserve our love, you don't deserve anything from us. We aren't suppose to take care of a man who never took care of us. You're the supposedly called Dad, and you're kids have to talk care of you? Go think about it and tell me.

I am a member of the Yew-Hin Family forever, its not gonna change... Sadly the community know me as your son which i am ashamed of. People sometimes ask me about my dad, its like lying to them. I don't even know you, i don't even trust you. How am i suppose to consider you as my dad?


Today will be the last day i'll call you "Dad". I hope we never meet on the street or anywhere. But if we do, be assured that i won't be talking to you. Its like you never existed. You're greedy asshole that only thinks about himself, you buy stuff you can't even afford. You have no heart nor even respect for you ex-wife and kids. Go F*** yourself please.

WE DON'T FKING NEED YOU AROUND.

This guy who will treat you like shit,
Yannick =)

Those last days

I'm really glad i got to talk to you again, felt good, felt happy. I never thought we would be able to talk again and I'm glad everything is okay between us.. we used to be so close, and we're still are.
I would like to thank you for being such a good friend to me lately. You put a smile on my face everyday, and its also so fun to talk you. I wish you were here so that things could be more enjoyable.
Even though i did mess up before, you talked to me like nothing happened. This fear of talking back to you left the second you replied, and im really glad i tried.

To those

To those people I've hurt in the past, I am really sorry about it and i hope one day I will be able to redeem myself....

Sincere Apologize,
Yannick

today

Even if I did reveal how i felt, it wouldn't change the fact that You and I are impossible.

Life today

Live with regrets.... 

Jeans

Losing weight, losing size, gaining new jeans, just perfect

Happy Independence Day

Yeps, 12/03/13... Happy Independence Day Mauritians.

How to spend the day? Lets start with by trying to recover from the previous night out at the club :D

Thoughts

I do think about you quiet often, more than i should. I try hard not to but you keep popping up into my mind. I wish i could forget but looks like it isn't working so well for me.. We don't talk anymore and i miss you.

At work

Not so easy lately, staffs have been sick so its only mom, sis and i =/

need backup xD

I go back

Sometimes i go back to the good memories

Hey

I hope you're doing okay and everything is fine.  It was so hard to press the send button.. 

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

its been a while since i last posted something  :)

2012 - A hell of a year but i went through it! I survived.

Losing some friends on the way, but i made new ones. Things happen for a reason...

The only bad thing from 2012 is that I started smoking =p


PEACE!

2013

BRING IT ON 2013 LIFE :D I'll rock you like I always do =)