Thursday, October 23, 2014

This feeling

I'm starting to feel some of that emptiness again... is it a bad thing? or the start of something new?

Sunday, September 28, 2014

mixed feelings.

You were my First for everything, my first true love, my first kiss, my first everyday. I hold onto so many memories about us. And cherish them till the end of my days. You were one of the best things that happened to me in my life, at that time, you were the one and only. The one true thing to me. Then the unexpected happened, it all ended in an instant. I was mad at you and myself for such decisions. I was really mad at myself, because i thought i wasn't doing things right for you, i wasn't good enough for you. I always thought you deserved better than me. Honestly, i thought you were too good for me. To me you were perfect, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect person to share my daily life. You were my everything.

Then I just realized that you just celebrated your anniversary together with that guy. Don't get me wrong, but if my math is good, around 3 years ago, we did actually just broke up?

I'm not mad at you for finding someone who could do better than i did, i dont blame you for finding your love one. We just didnt belong together. I'm actually glad you found someone, honestly.

I'm just disappointed that you turned the page so fast, as if the years we shared together never existed. As if it didn't mean anything to you. I am disappointed at myself for taking so long to turn the page, yes it took me that long to get over it. I've blamed myself for months, for years, that I fucked it up. I guess i was wrong. Your favorite quote "Things happen for a reason", now i know the real reason.

Things said, I hope that you are really happy now.

Sometimes, things you're not suppose to know about just appear out of nowhere.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Thoughts in words.

I do realise that i tend to focus on others well-being before myself. I do not do it on purpose, its like a natural thing for me. Friends & Family always go before me. I do not hesitate to spoil or help those I cherish, and never expecting anything in return. Its been who i am now and who I've always been.

Every time i think about it, every time i do something. This may sound selfish but, I do realise that I could have done that for myself. I could have spent that money for myself. I could have save it for myself. But its always too late.

I do not know if this has to change. Do i really have to change? make this drastic change. This part of me must be gone? Am I being selfish? Am i doing things right?

There's only a handful on people on this planet that i would do anything for them, like ANYTHING. But some i think get too much importance, i think i do give them too much. I try to give them the attention they need. Nothing wrong with them, its just me. i do care too much sometimes.

Will i be able to change this part of me?

My thoughts for today.

Things happen for a reason.