My half

Happy,  glad,  thankful

This feeling

I'm starting to feel some of that emptiness again... is it a bad thing? or the start of something new?

mixed feelings.

You were my First for everything, my first true love, my first kiss, my first everyday. I hold onto so many memories about us. And cherish them till the end of my days. You were one of the best things that happened to me in my life, at that time, you were the one and only. The one true thing to me. Then the unexpected happened, it all ended in an instant. I was mad at you and myself for such decisions. I was really mad at myself, because i thought i wasn't doing things right for you, i wasn't good enough for you. I always thought you deserved better than me. Honestly, i thought you were too good for me. To me you were perfect, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect person to share my daily life. You were my everything.

Then I just realized that you just celebrated your anniversary together with that guy. Don't get me wrong, but if my math is good, around 3 years ago, we did actually just broke up?

I'm not mad at you for finding someone who could do better than i did, i dont blame you for finding your love one. We just didnt belong together. I'm actually glad you found someone, honestly.

I'm just disappointed that you turned the page so fast, as if the years we shared together never existed. As if it didn't mean anything to you. I am disappointed at myself for taking so long to turn the page, yes it took me that long to get over it. I've blamed myself for months, for years, that I fucked it up. I guess i was wrong. Your favorite quote "Things happen for a reason", now i know the real reason.


Things said, I hope that you are really happy now.


Sometimes, things you're not suppose to know about just appear out of nowhere.

Thoughts in words.

I do realise that i tend to focus on others well-being before myself. I do not do it on purpose, its like a natural thing for me. Friends & Family always go before me. I do not hesitate to spoil or help those I cherish, and never expecting anything in return. Its been who i am now and who I've always been.

Every time i think about it, every time i do something. This may sound selfish but, I do realise that I could have done that for myself. I could have spent that money for myself. I could have save it for myself. But its always too late.

I do not know if this has to change. Do i really have to change? make this drastic change. This part of me must be gone? Am I being selfish? Am i doing things right?

There's only a handful on people on this planet that i would do anything for them, like ANYTHING. But some i think get too much importance, i think i do give them too much. I try to give them the attention they need. Nothing wrong with them, its just me. i do care too much sometimes.

Will i be able to change this part of me?

My thoughts for today.

Things happen for a reason.

Attending a wedding.

No title

Love makes us stupid, foolish and blinds us. All that because of one single person who we met or will meet when the time is right. Fool we become but we do not care because all we need is that one person to share time and space.

B~

Aahhhh big steps you made. Im proud of you =o

I hope you all the best and hope you love it there.
Be good be strong. Always around anytime.

Martin Garrix

Great party with the party people.

moments

We all have our moments, when we are depressed, when we are happy and when we don't give a fuck.

With time....

Its getting easier and easier to give up as days go by...

Words that cannot be unsaid

This is what I usually do,  I always speak and pour out my heart before even thinking.  Yes,  it usually and always bites me in the ass.  I shouldn't be doing that again,  but what's done is done and I shouldn't regret any of it said. 

I will take my time and give up on it soon.

8.6.14

i still think about you, quite often....

time

Live in your past, stay stuck. Live for the future, progress.

11.03.2014

its been a while since my last post, 2 months ish.

Life is fine lately, nothing to complain about, specially about my choices.

BUT IN NEED FOR A CHANGE!

1. Stop smoking
2. Spend less
3. STUDY? XD
4. Lose more weight

So far, no progress. Hopefully soon.

Heart

Hmmmm, in a relationship again... Lets see how things go =)

24.12.13

Merry Xmas Eve to all you readers (not that i have much)

This year has been quiet good, Thankful for everything...

Decisions and Choices

I wish things we're simpler.

For the first time in my life, i have to make drastic decision. I've never been in this situation before.
I ain't sure about those feelings, I really don't know what to do. I like them both, but how much do i like them? Equally? One more than the other?

I don't know how to deal with all this. I don't know what to do.
On one side, there is this one that i am pretty sure likes me. But i ain't sure if its gonna work out. There's stuff that bothers me a lot about her past, and the way she acts. Will I be able to deal with that? Some friends already don't like her, does it really matter? Will i find happiness?


And the other one... I have no chances for sure, no hope to go any further. But she does count alot. Her being so reserved is what makes it so interesting. Maybe she has things to hide? I don't really know. But she does care a lot about me, always looking for my best. I just regret telling you really how i felt, my mistakes as always.


I do feel comfortable with both of them, both caring. But it isn't fair to decide between them. I don't think it would be fair to them and to myself. I ain't sure how i feel actually, i ain't sure of anything right now. Do i have to take a decision? Do i have to pick? What if i don't want to? What if its better to let it go? So many unanswered questions. So many thoughts about the matter.

I wish I could shut down those feelings, they keep bothering me day and night. I don't know what to do.... It may be so wrong, but loving both isn't allowed, not for me. But she does care alot about me, always looking back for my best.

Am i being a Jerk? Who knows.
Am i being unfair to them? Surely


It really sucks not to have an answer to all those questions.  Why am i so undecisive?

Who knew...

Who knew things would go that way?

Life is taking quiet an interesting turn. Lets hope for the best =)

Cheers.

What i am sure of....

I never had to guts to say things.

Thinking

I keep thinking what went wrong and what else could go wrong. Do i even like? Or is it just me looking for some good time. Am i that bad to think of it this way? Am i this desperate?